Cootie Shots
by NocturnalFerri
Summary: Four-year old Obi-Wan has a little problem and it's up to Qui-Gon to cure him...


cootie.html

"Cootie Shot"

By NocturnalFerri

Disclaimer: Nope. Own them I do not. If you recognize any characters, I don't own them. I do own Cyana and Tirla though. The rest belong to TPTB of SW, whoever they are.

AN: Just assume Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were paired up together before Obi-Wan was 4 years old, Kay? Kewl. Hee hee. I knocked this story off in 15 minutes. Yeah!

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"Master-Master-Master-Master! Qui-Gon-Qui-Gon-Qui-Gon-Qui-Gon-Qui-Gon!"

Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn looked up from his paperwork just in time to see his four year old Padawan barrel though the doors of their quarters crying. Alarmed with fatherly concern, Qui-Gon knelt and held his arms out to meet the upset little boy. Obi-Wan leapt into the awaiting arms and clutched his master's tunic as sobs racked his small body.

Qui-Gon rubbed the boy's back reassuringly and checked for injuries. Finding none of the usual scrapes bumps and bruises his young charge usual came home with after play he asked, "Obi-Wan. What's wrong? Little one, what happened?"

Obi-Wan sniffled and wiped his tears with his sleeve. "Bruck said I have cooties."

Qui-Gon blinked with a 'huh' look on his face. "What?"

The boy hiccuped a couple times then explained. "Um, um, I was playin' in the recreation garden an' stuff when I saw Tirla, she's an initiate, climbing the tree to get some fruit. You know the blue ones? Yum, they're my favorite!"

"And how does this relate to-"

The four-year-old crossed his arms. "I'm gettin' to that! Sheesh, and you always tell me to be patient!" the boy rolled his eyes. "Anyway, the branch broke an' Tirla was gonna fall. I mean, like wow, that woulda been from six feet in the air. Like, ouchies." He grimaced, imagining the pain. "So I kinda caught her sorta, with the force."

"That's good Padawan. Your reflexes and control are getting better."

"Thanks. Um, where was I? Oh yeah. She was really really happy 'cause I helped her pick up the fruit she dropped and 'cause I saved her and stuff." Obi-Wan ignored Qui-Gon's silent command to get on with the story. "So, she kinda gave me a kiss on the cheek. I didn't mind much 'cause I never got kissed before and she told me I was nice an' cute. She was really pretty, too." Grinned Obi-Wan.

"Well?"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at the impatient look Qui-Gon was giving him. "How come I can't lecture you on patience Master? You always tell me, 'patience little one. Patience.'" Obi-Wan mimicked Qui-Gon's voice. "For once I'd like to hear Master Yoda reprimand you for somethin'." 

In response, Qui-Gon folded his arms. "Well, on with the story." 

"I'm getting to it! I'm getting' to it! Sheesh, Master! Lighten up!" Qui-Gon threw his arms in the air and sighed. "So, I was like, really really really happy 'bout it but then Bruck told me that girls had cooties an' if a girl kisses you, you get cooties too!" wailed Obi-Wan at a climax. "I don't want cooties!" he cried miserably.

Qui-Gon cleared his throat, trying to rid the urge to burst out laughing from his system. He sat back down in his chair and pushed aside the datapads. His report would have to wait. It was amazing what traumas his Padawan could get caught up in. He leaned an elbow on the desk. "Is that so?" Obi-Wan nodded. The Jedi Master sighed as he took the boy firmly by the shoulders. "Obi-Wan. Listen to me. There is no such thing as cooties."

Obi-Wan whimpered. "But Bruck said-

"If Bruck told you there were Womprats in our 'fresher, would you believe him?"

The boy cocked his head to the side. "But why would there be Womprats in the 'fresher? I don't think they'd be able to fit in there. They don't even exist on Coruscant."

"No, no. That's not the point."

"Then what is?"

Qui-Gon sighed and tried a different approach. "Do you even know what cooties are?"

"Yup. Icky stuffs that girls have and they can give 'em to boys. Really icky stuff." Obi-Wan stuck his tongue out."

"Like a disease?"

"Yup."

"Tell me little one," the Jedi master crossed his arms. "With all of those science lessons your instructors and I have given you, how is that possible?"

"I don't know master. How should I know, I'm only four and a half years old." To make his point he held up four fingers with his pinky bent in half to show the left over months.

Qui-Gon threw his head back and looked to the ceiling. "May the force give me strength." He muttered. 

Obi-Wan's face crumbled again. "I don't want cooties!" he whimpered. 

The very frustrated Jedi rubbed his temple and tried to reason with the boy. "Jedi Cyana, our neighbor, has kissed you more than a dozen times in greeting. She's a girl and you don't have cooties." 

"But Master," whined Obi-Wan. "She's not a girl. She's a grown up."

Qui-Gon was close to ripping his hair out. Of course, he was a Jedi. Jedi were not supposed to give into such urges. Of course, it didn't mean he couldn't think it. He took Obi-Wan by the shoulders once more and said sternly. "Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi,"

"Yes?" piped Obi-Wan innocently.

"Listen to me. There is no such thing as cooties."

Obi-Wan nodded obediently. He wriggled out of his master's grasp and headed sullenly towards his sleep room. "I still don't want 'em." he muttered with his back to Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon shook his head. Apparently schooling, training and reasoning took a back seat to playground rumor. Giving up, he tried one last approach. "Obi-Wan."

The boy paused with his hand on the doorframe and turned on his heel. "Yes master?"

"Come here Padawan." Qui-Gon took the little boy and set him on his lap. The Jedi master looked into Obi-Wan's green eyes. "What if I told you I could get rid of your cooties and keep you from getting them forever."

Obi-Wan cocked his head. "But Qui-Gon, didn't you say-

Qui-Gon cut him off with a dismissive wave. "Never mind that." 

"Can you do that?" said Obi-Wan in awe.

"Yes I can. Give me you hand." Qui-Gon instructed. Obi-Wan let Qui-Gon take his hand and over turn it so that his palm faced upwards. Qui-Gon lightly traced little circles and dots with his finger into Obi-Wan's hand. "Circle circle dot dot, now you have the cootie shot." Qui-Gon chanted. "There." He released Obi-Wan's hand. "No more cooties."

Obi-Wan held his hand with his other in amazement. "Wow! My cooties are gone!" he grinned up at his master. "You're the greatest, Qui-Gon!" he impulsively threw himself at the man and gave him a big hug. Qui-Gon returned the gesture and gave the boy a gentle swat on the shoulder. 

"Run along now Obi-Wan. I will call you later for our training session." 

"Kay kay!" Obi-Wan slid off the man's knee and skipped happily out the door. Down the hall, and through the open door, Qui-Gon could hear Obi-Wan singing. "Circle circle dot dot, no I got the cootie shot!" 

Qui-Gon shook his head in amusement. He was about to get back to work when he felt a presence in the force. "No master Yoda, I haven't completed the report yet."

"Sure enough, Yoda was shuffling into the room. Instead of a reprimand, Yoda said. "Cootie shot?"

Qui-Gon grinned sheepishly, embarrassed that the Jedi Master had heard him. "Well, it worked on me, didn't it?"

Yoda shook his head and started to shuffle out the door. With his back turned to Qui-Gon he said. "Think that I do not. Not high midi-clorian count, but high cootie count you have. Incurable it is." With an amused huff, Yoda shut the door.

Qui-Gon laughed. "And what about you master? Perhaps that is why you are green." He teased.

The door opened and Yoda poked his head into the room. He waved his gimer stick at the man. "Get to work, Padawan Jinn."

Qui-Gon held up his hands, acting offended at the reduction of rank and bent his head over the datacards. As the doors closed, Qui-Gon could hear Yoda softly croaking. "Circle circle dot dot…" 

*****The End!!*****


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